Monday, September 19, 2005

Don't Adjust The Horizontal

Is it me or do horizontal lines make everything look that much bigger? That oriental lamp there looks enormous! Thank you to Yahoo! for having that ad in my face for the last month.

Part of the reason for that effect is that horizontal lines draw your eyes from left to right tricking you into seeing more girth than there is. Supposedly, this happens with clothing also but I can't find a photo example.

On the opposite end, vertical stripes are supposed to be slimming because it draws your eyes up and down so they don't focus on the sides. One unproven theory says that lack of focus, eye problems and slow reaction go hand-in-hand with vertical stripes but the only evidence leaning that way shows up in sporting events (like last nights penalty against Randy Moss or the 1998 Steeler's coin-toss against the Lions.)

So, I've decided to take this moment to ask people to refrain from wearing vertical stripes from now on as it is better to look fat than stupid. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.


FantasticAlice said...

Just because you had asked I will never again wear horizontal stripes.

OH, and I could be wrong but a while back I thought I had read that you wrote a book, is this true?

LoraLoo said...

I don't care for vertical stripes, so this request is easy. :)

I'm sensing a little bitterness about the Raiders game last night?

Fred said...

Goodness. It seems as though things are indeed much bigger with stripes. I wonder where I can find underwear like that?

Lily said...

I have a counter offer. We continue wearing vertical stripes, and you will refrain from watching sports. =)

Unknown said...

Yeah Martin I too noticed those enormous errr the enormous oriental lamps errr lamp.

Bar L. said...

Very helpful post. I read the link and found the tips on modeling very helpful, I will remember that the next time I am asked to pose. As for Fred and his underwear comment...funny. And I believe YOU mentioned underwear on my blog today :) This photo reminds me of a festival that recently took place in Japan but I am blushing just thinking about it.

RT said...

Sca-roooow that! If horizontal stripes make my boobs look that big, I'm gonna wear 'em!

(What other defense do I have against those football players and their tight... tights.) :p

Martin said...

Diva - Yes, RT has a thing for what's behind the color green.

Lora - I'm not bitter. It just worked as a great example. B)

Alice - No book writing here yet. It's among my goals but it will probably happen several years from now.

Lily - I don't think you need vertical stripes. B)

Lloyd - I'm a big fan of those lamps right now. I need to consider finding a few for the house.

Fred - Better yet, striped condoms?

W.W. - I actually looked at the posing thing. I'm going to have to try that next time I am photographed (which will probably be quite some time.)

RT - Send photos, not of the tight tights.

Unknown said...

Ahhh not satisfied with the pair you have right now? Do you need to go lamp shopping? We could do some research...

Unknown said...

LMAO..i cant wear horizontal stripes, sorry..I am a large marge type of ass should have its own zipcode..