It intrigues me the perspective we gain when we are far enough removed from something. Time is the distance that I found helped me understand a few things. You see, as happily married as I am now, I believed that I was very shortly happily married at one time. The big point is that the lessons you learn or didn't learn from your first car will make an impact on your current vehicle. The habit formed from riding the gas level to its lowest point could cause problems in a newer vehicle that creates vapor lock. So, something clicked with the past recently and I thought I'd use my regular vague way of expressing it.
At that point of previous happiness, I was really unaware of how unhappy she was. The first hints were her wanting to take jobs in other states and later telling me that, when we were next to each other, everything is great but when we are apart -- she was unhappy. I asked about therapy but that was turned down. After asking for a separation and later an exit, I would look back thinking that maybe postpartum depression was involved.
During the last few years, I've regained my physical health. I have a rather physically demanding job. I had a moment of clarity recently when I started thinking about my previous physical well-being. I had an earlier workday. I would come home sore and tired. I was popping ibuprofen and wrapping my wrists/ankles because of what I believed (and was told by doctors) were strains. I gained weight. My blood pressure went up. I was chronically tired and also slept a lot more. We stopped going out to do things. Mentally, there were unresolved questions that I promised to brush aside for the stability of the relationship. All these things have now made me think of one thing... I may have been going through depression.
Being in the moment, on the football field, you have only your vision around you, the sounds around you and your awareness. Living is like that. You are really in the eye of the hurricane and the ability to step back and review isn't often there. Would things have been better if I stretched or exercised more back then? Maybe. Would things have been different if I got therapy? It's very possible. It took several years but I am in a much better place right now. I forgive that younger me for being stuck in a moment and the ex for the direction things went.
All I know is that things seem more clear. Now, it is all about how I put that knowledge to good use in the here and now as well as the future. I am happier, healthier and hopefully a little more aware. If this helps someone, I feel like I passed something on.