Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Assholes And Bitches



I came up with a theory back some years ago that I have refined over time but still find is true if gone unchecked. Hurt is out there. Pain is meant to be learned from and some people take that lesson and go a little too far with it. I believe there is a relationship cycle out there that I call the Asshole - Bitch cycle.

An example of this would be a man in a relationship with a woman that has disrespected him (cheated, lied or even took money) at every turn but 'thought' that he loved her. Unless he comes out of that unscathed and mentally sound, he will have a grudge and will avoid that again. He may even look for a situation where he will have more control of things as a way to not feel that way again. The woman in his next scenario then gets stuck with an asshole. He's more demanding and controlling. What little self-esteem she may have will be tested and in turn may help her become a bitch in her next relationship.

There will always be past relationships that we will say, "I can't believe that I treated him/her like that." Accepting that is important. It could be one reason why you have former partners pop back into your life just to clarify for themselves that they either didn't make a mistake or didn't burn the ground on the way out. Thankfully, there are people who break the chain and the cycle dies but it does make it easier to understand why you are not supposed to grab someone on the 'rebound.'

P.S. - Most of you know, I don't like to run afoul of the English language and curse much... this is an extreme rarity.Posted by Hello

7 comments:

Vavoom said...

There is also another cycle running in tandem with the AB cycle. It's the PD cycle. Once abused, some people react differently only to become pathetic (needy, wanting etc...). They have become used to being beaten down and then propagate that need into their next relationship. Once they realize that they simply can't support a relationship this way, pathetic becomes distant. Distant people simply can't believe in love anymore and their respective partners sometimes become more needy/pathetic.

That's just my $.02.

Moose said...

The amount of genius I discover on the blogs I visit daily never cease to amaze me. I think both you and Vavoom have hit the nail on the head. Sometime I'll stop by and tell you about BBS, or Big Brother Syndrome.

Miss Hobby said...

Wow, I was just discussing this with a friend two days ago, but I don't know if I fall more under AB or PD at the moment. Have to think about that one.

LoraLoo said...

Martin, a genius analogy on the dysfunctional relationship phenomenon.

As far as past relationships - I am very thankful to have been on both sides of that coin (being the one doing the apologizing for past mistakes to old boyfriends and being the one apologized to). As you know, I've was caught in that cycle years ago and thankfully saw it before I did too much damage to too many people, and I can thank you in part for helping me out of it. Sometimes all it takes is one very kind yet strong soul to help you come back from the dark side.

Vavoom...I agree with you on the additional cycle. I have seen a couple of strong, passionate people beaten down so far that they became numb shells of their former selves.

dusty said...

relationships are building blocks..and its sad that alot of folks build the wrong kind..its hard to break the cycle for most people..unless your me...i became quite outgoing and stood up for myself after spending years in a dysfunctional,verbally abusive relationship..i choose my partners differently now, and i do not have a problem with jettisoning someone that i deem offensive to my self worth..cuz no one loves me more than myself...and no one will ever watch out for me like i will..

An80sNut said...

Vavoom - I like the PD cycle too. It's amazing to see how people work. I'd like to take a few apart and... well maybe not go that far.

Lora - I don't believe I helped you as much as you think I did but I thank you for thinking of me like that. B) You needed to find yourself and thankfully you did.

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